Infertility can feel neverending.
Infertility is neverending.
If you’ve experienced infertility, you know how it can be tied to every emotion.
I am sad that we can’t get pregnant the old-fashioned way.
I’ve been angry with every disappointing diagnosis.
But I also feel blessed beyond measure.
I am thankful I have a loving and supportive husband that walks beside me on this journey every day and our daughter’s smile makes my heart so happy it feels like it could burst into rainbows and glitter at any moment.
Infertility is hard.
I’d like to share one of our stories if you’re needing some inspiration while struggling through infertility.
Written one year ago…
I have always had a fascination with dates or maybe I just have a good memory. I still remember the birthdates of my childhood friends. It’s not a superpower or anything extraordinary but I enjoy reflecting on memories when a special date or anniversary approaches.
Halloween is now one of those days I will always remember as our lives completely changed from one year to the next.
Today is Halloween and we are ready to hand out treats to the neighborhood children! This year is incredibly different for us than last year.
Looking for Hope
Last year was our first Halloween in our new house. It was just my husband and I living in our new home. We were expecting to grow our family that year and we were happy to move into a house that would be better suited for a family.
But everything changed that year.
We were now in our new home still trying to start our family as we struggled with infertility.
Earlier that day I saw an Instagram post for an infertility scholarship. The due date was November 1. It looked like a great opportunity for us! Just weeks prior we had decided to pause our fertility treatments after consecutive losses earlier that year and we decided to pursue adoption.
This scholarship was different from other scholarship opportunities. This application did not have any requirements other than a diagnosis of infertility and financial need. Many other grants have specific requirements that we typically didn’t meet. Scholarship requirements typically mirror the beliefs of the donating organization. These can include religious beliefs, a specific fertility diagnosis, income level, or have geographical requirements requiring recipients to live in a particular state. Other organizations have other conditions that could include certain (expensive) medical testing, age limits, or other health restrictions such as hormone levels that would indicate a higher success of treatments. Some grants have application fees that can be costly too.
Since we met the criteria, I spent that evening writing an essay for the scholarship application while my husband handed out Halloween treats. I finished the application just before the deadline and submitted it with the nominal application fee.
Our journey to parenthood was taking all the wrong roads and we were struggling – financially and emotionally. We suffered a devastating loss earlier that year when we lost our daughters due to an incompetent cervix and preterm labor. Pearl and Everly were born with strong heartbeats and kicking legs but they were too early for this world. We left the hospital with empty arms and broken hearts.
We Keep Trying
What many people do not know is we can’t get pregnant the old-fashioned way.
It takes a whole lot of time, money, science, and a fertility clinic 1,400 miles away from our home for me to get pregnant. After our pregnancy loss that year, all I could think about was being pregnant again.
The grief was too much at times. I wanted to be pregnant again.
Later that year we made the trip to our fertility clinic for a frozen embryo transfer and it worked! We were pregnant again and life was starting to get back to ‘normal.’ We were greeted with a heartbeat at our first ultrasound and we were so happy!
Unfortunately, tragedy struck again a week later when I suffered a miscarriage at seven weeks.
We needed hope.
Anything to tell us we were worth being parents.
In November we received a call with the hope we were in need of!
We were one of the recipients of the scholarship I had applied for on Halloween. We were so GRATEFUL.
Nine months later we were able to apply the money from our scholarship to our daughter’s adoption.
It’s crazy looking back at the last year and all that has happened. Specifically where we were one year ago today as I frantically applied for the scholarship.
This year I think there are fewer neighborhood kids out ringing our doorbell.
This year I was able to hand out candy too as my husband and I took turns holding our newborn daughter.
I’ll never forget either of those Halloweens. Our last Halloween without children and the first Halloween with our daughter.
What a difference a year makes.