Coping with Infertility

This post could have been titled,

“The Secret Tool to Cope with Infertility.”

Coping with infertility grief is one of the most difficult things I have encountered in my life, but I have found how to live with our infertility diagnosis.

I don’t know if I will ever fully heal from infertility but, in the six years my husband and I have walked through building our family through incredibly difficult times, I have learned some things that have helped me. I hope sharing some of the tools I have used and the path that lead me to today can help you heal.

Within our first year of marriage, we had a confirmed diagnosis of infertility.

It’s impossible to share our entire journey in just a few sentences, but every “next step” was met with more bad news until it the news couldn’t get worse.

We were infertile.

The pain came in waves and it was intense. 

I don’t know if the pain has lessened over the years or if it has just changed.

Maybe it changes because the shock factor has time to wear off.

Maybe time does heal everything.

Maybe I’ve found successful ways to channel and grow through my grief.

One ‘tool’ I have is to take the grief into small pieces.

I do not allow myself to overthink the “big picture.” I refused to believe or accept my husband and I would be childless forever. Dealing with that thought would have been much too difficult to process in the beginning.

So, I’ve learned to process it slowly. I cannot let it consume me.

I know some people find their infertility journey hard to talk about and I understand. Even when I was ready to talk about it, my husband was not ready to share a lot of our story.

And, it’s hard to be vulnerable with people.

Especially when I feel like I am hiding a piece of myself. Finding our path to our first child was my only mission in the first few years we were married.

This year will mark our seventh wedding anniversary and we wanted a family right away. I thought we’d be the couple bringing home a baby nine months after we said, “I do.” That was not the case. We suffered through losses before we brought our daughter home three years after we said our vows. I never thought I would survive those years.

Initially, I turned to finding blogs and YouTube channels. I needed to connect with others who were facing the same hurdles to have a family. 

The internet was my saving grace as I felt so alone after our diagnosis.

Years later I still follow and check in with the same people to see how they have built and grown their families. Good news! Every one of them now has children.

Finally, I turned inward to deal with my pain. Journaling became the outlet I needed to work through everything that was going on.

I’ve always loved to write. The amount of time spent on journaling ebbs and flows depending on the season of my life. My teenage years were poured into journals as I tried to work through relationships and life. 

This blog was born from my need to write and process the grief and loss we’ve experienced and to bring hope to others by sharing our story.

I found journaling helped me immensely.

I’ve always turned to my diary or a blank notebook to work through my thoughts and feelings or to tell a story I just don’t want to forget. But, journaling has a way of finding a backseat in life. I’ve found myself dedicating less time to it as life seems to get busier and more complicated. That had to change.

Making time to journal became a priority.

There is nothing better than opening a brand new notebook or journal to pour your words into. I could browse the aisles endlessly. A fresh journal symbolizes a fresh start! That is EXACTLY what I needed. In fact, browsing the notebook aisle at my favorite department store is one of my treasured past-times.

Stocking up on journals for different purposes is essential.

One is for the New Year and all my huge, and honestly, usually unattainable resolutions. Another is for poetry. Others I purchase because they are just too beautiful not to buy!

My love of journals led me to create my own blank-lined journal. Documenting our long journey to adopting our daughter was important. I found it difficult to find a journal with just the right cover so I made my own! It’s available on Amazon and you can check it out here!

I’ve purchased other blank journals to keep track of memories of our infertility journey. So much has happened in the last few years and while some of it I would love to forget, it has molded me into a new person. Infertility is full of pain and heartache but it’s born of love. Our love to become a mother is so intense, the pain of knowing it might not be possible pushes us to be better, do better, and dig deeper into ourselves than ever before.

Reading my journals reminds me how far I have come and how hard we’ve worked towards our goal of having a family.

 

How my healing truly began when I dedicated time to journaling.

 

Journaling is an age-old practice. It has been used for centuries to capture thoughts, emotions, and experiences. In recent years, the popularity of journaling has soared, as people recognize the many benefits of this simple yet powerful habit.

 

Journaling helps me to move some of my thoughts from my head to paper, allowing me to process my thoughts, feelings, and emotions more effectively.

Even with a supportive partner, many women can relate to feeling lonely while trying to get pregnant. Emotions range from high to low and if your situation was like ours, we were experiencing ALL of the emotions – never at the same and we always dealt with them differently.

When I write, I feel like I am sharing my story. Even if I know I will never let anyone read my words, I feel less lonely sharing my thoughts on those blank pages.

Fertility issues can have a profound impact on people and their relationships. Many times when I am struggling with stress, I turn to my husband for support. However, turning to each other through infertility can be complicated, and at times, our partners need a break to process their own feelings. Journaling gives me one more much-needed outlet.

 

MUST HAVE Specialty Journals

 

Sometimes, I do not know where to start. Infertility is a long story no matter what your circumstances are. There are so many side stories – emotions, testing, procedures, doctors, clinics, referrals, pregnancy announcements, and healing.

We’ve suffered devastating losses over the years. The premature birth of our twin girls was followed by a miscarriage that same year. We were never able to take our girls home and the grief never leaves me.

Finding Promptly Journals has helped me begin to process their loss on a new level. Specifically, this bundle of journals is where I started.

A miscarriage journal is also available if you need to process that loss along with your infertility struggles.

The benefits of journaling should not be dismissed. Here are the top reasons to start journaling today.

• Reducing Stress

One of the most significant benefits of journaling is its ability to reduce stress. Writing about your struggles to get pregnant, the steps you are taking with your doctor, and how you are feeling through your time trying to conceive can help you process them, reducing their emotional impact.

• Increasing Creativity

Journaling can also help increase creativity. By giving yourself the space to explore your thoughts and ideas freely, you can tap into your creativity and come up with new and innovative ideas. 

• Improving Memory and Focus

Journaling has been shown to improve memory and focus. Writing about your experiences and thoughts can help you process and remember them more effectively, improving your overall memory. Additionally, journaling can help you clarify your thoughts and ideas, improving your focus and concentration.

• Enhancing Self-Awareness

Journaling can also enhance self-awareness. By writing about your experiences and emotions, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your motivations. Additionally, journaling can help you identify patterns in your thoughts and behaviors that may be holding you back, allowing you to make positive changes and grow as a person.

• Boosting Emotional Intelligence

Exploring and processing your emotions can boost your emotional intelligence. You can develop greater empathy and understanding for others. Also, journaling can help you identify and manage your own emotions more effectively, improving your overall emotional intelligence.

Journaling is a simple yet powerful habit that can have a profound impact on your life. Its benefits in decreasing stress alone are worth the effort, however, the increase in my self-awareness has had the greatest impact in my life. I’ve grown leaps and bounds over the last few years and I believe it is a direct correlation to my enhanced self-awareness.

Promptly Journals has a multitude of options ranging from prompted journals for infertility, childhood, grandparents, and managing anxiety. They also have quality blank journals if you are looking for a simple journal.

Living through infertility is hard. I am wishing you the best in your journey through this difficult time. Try journaling or talking to a friend today. Reach out to me if you need someone to talk to that shares similar struggles.

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness.